Take Your Place! A Red Letter Story

“You are a perfect 10!” The doctor exclaimed at City of Hope in Duarte, California, where I flew to be tested to see if I could be a stem cell donor to my older brother, Gary. I was told, “You match your brother ten out of ten genetic markers! You are the best of the best!”

The doctor showed me our single “Gary & Mary chart” so I could see for myself how I was a perfect genetic match to my brother. It was truly Awesome!

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-14).

Evidentally, not all full siblings are genetic matches, but God created my brother and me to match perfectly from conception. This gave Gary the best chance for his body to accept my stem cells to make new bone marrow after they would kill his bone marrow in order to kill the deadly Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) that had returned after one year in remission.

The doctor said my brother only had a few months to live without the transplant. I was Gary’s only living full sibling.

After I passed the other tests they ran on me, especially my heart to make sure I was healthy to be a donor, they scheduled a week in December for the transplant. In December my husband, Douglas, and I drove from our then home in Santa Rosa, to Duarte, California, where I became an outpatient at City of Hope.

At the same time Gary became a patient at the hospital. Each day for a week I went to receive the shots that would force my bone marrow to make additional stem cells. Every day as I went into the hospital for my shots, multiple people thanked me for being my brother’s donor. This both puzzled me and made me uncomfortable.

I finally asked one of the nurses why everyone was thanking me. She told me that not everyone with the ability to be a donor agreed to do it. As an example, she told me of a woman who was a good match for her sister, went through the tests, but then refused to be a donor. When I asked what happened to the woman’s sister, I was told that without the transplant, she died within a few months.

“If God gives you something to do, why wouldn’t you do it?” Stephen King tells his readers in his book, On Writing.

As the shots started working, I had a hard time walking and felt unwell, so except for my daily trips to the hospital, I stayed in our hotel room. The long bones in my legs ached terribly and I couldn’t wait to get rid of all the extra stem cells my body was making. At the same time, they gave my brother chemo to kill his bone marrow. He had the much harder path. The day of the transplant, talking to God helped the claustrophobia I felt during the hours I was hooked up to the blood dialysis machine to harvest my stem cells. When my part was done, we walked over to Gary’s room and they hooked up the bag of my stem cells to my brother. They told me December 17th was Gary’s new birthday and I was now his mother, as I was giving him life. Afterward Gary and I referred to ourselves as “Twins.”

Later we were told that the transplant had worked - Gary’s body had accepted my stem cells as their own. They were making new bone marrow, and my immune system had become his!

Though the transplant was a success, Gary got an infection while he still had a baby immune system, and his one month hospital stay turned into three months. They had to do emergency surgery, and they weren’t sure he was going to make it. I flew down to visit Gary, still at City of Hope. While there, I talked to people in the Chaplain department. I asked them to have a Catholic priest visit Gary. I talked to them until they understood that only a Catholic priest would be acceptable to my brother, as we were raised Catholic.

I thank God for the priest who was sent. Though Gary had not been a practicing Catholic for many years, the priest was not there for judgement, but only reconcilliation. Gary told me later that the man was very accepting, gave him the Last Rites, heard his Confession, gave him Absolution and Holy Communion.

Gary did recover, and for the rest of his life, he and his wife regularly attended Catholic church and received Communion. When next I saw him, he hugged me and thanked me for “saving him twice.”

Each time Gary thanked me, I would reply, “I have to keep you around. You make me laugh!” He and I enjoyed a close relationship for the rest of his life. After my husband, Douglas, passed December 2016, I became closed off to the world, and felt like I was in a desert place, but Gary continued to call me every few weeks. He never let me go. “A brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). Because I helped Gary when he needed me, he was still here to give me the support I needed in tough times.

Gary’s lovely bride of 43 years, Virginia, sent me a message after Gary died, October 2021. “You’re the best! I can’t thank you enough for the most beautiful 14 years you gave us.”

It gives me pleasure to know that I have fulfilled at least some of what God planned for me to do. Not only did it bring me great joy to save my brother’s life, but thankfully, I was able to support my husband in the pastoral ministry that God appointed for him until he finished his race.

Currently, I have a small grief ministry at St. Matthew’s under Pastors Brad and Nathan and Deacon Ron. I write and send letters and Journeying through Grief books to those experiencing the loss of a loved one.

Sometimes I wonder what other plans God has for me - what desires God will put into my heart to serve in the future.

During last year’s Being Challenge at St. Matthew’s, it came to me that I should “take my place,” though I was uncertain what that meant. During this year’s Service Challenge, I realize “my place” is not about position or status, but rather about the unique service for which I was created.

I invite each of you to “take your place” - to make yourselves available for your uniquely appointed service. You just might gain a brother! “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).

Mary Denison Williams

October 2023

Not to Worry, God’s Got It All Covered

Not to Worry, God’s Got It All Covered

--Lenore Buth

It’s probably safe to say that many of us find most news reports unsettling, whether it’s local news or from far-off places. The more of this we take in, the more anxious we feel.

Any time, but especially now, we need to remind ourselves—and our children—this is not the first time of turmoil in our Nation and it likely won't be the last. Whatever happens--or doesn't happen--none of it surprises God. 

This is still our Father's world, as the hymn tells us. He is Almighty God, so we can be at peace whatever comes. Even when one disaster follows another. Even if we fear what comes next. Even though we're sick of warnings about Covid and climate change and all the rest.

Through it all this Truth endures, every moment of every day:

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.   -Zephaniah 3:17

What a visual picture that last line gives us: God rejoicing over his people--over us--with loud singing!

Trying times are nothing new 

Think of early Roman believers who lived in a pagan society where evil reigned and the Emperor Nero ordered them hunted down and killed. That’s when the Apostle Paul penned these words: 

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.    -Romans 13:1

Still today, it matters not whether we agree or disagree with our "governing authorities.” We are under their authority.

We’re to pray for them, too, no matter who they are or what position they hold, whether we voted for them or not. Pray that God will lead and guide those who lead us, that they make wise decisions and govern with integrity, even if they don't believe in God.

Later, Paul wrote this:

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior.   -1 Timothy 2:1-3  

For us today, let’s not overlook the leaders in our church, as well as their families. Our St. Matthew pastors and staff members, as well as the many volunteers, serve Jesus and all of us. They need our prayers, our love and our thanks for how generously they give of themselves. 

Peace? Hope? In these times?

There's only one way we can find it:    

Cast all your anxieties on him [God,] because he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7 

The literal meaning of the Greek is to throw all one's load, as on a beast of burden, so the animal can carry all the weight of it. Here's the hitch: We can't be free of the weight of anxiety unless we are willing to let go of it.

Most of us think our lives would be easier if we just knew what’s coming next. Like little children we want to know what lies ahead of us, but we can only see today. Chuck Swindoll writes it’s like we’re watching a parade through a knothole in the fence. We see only what's in front of us. God, as if from a reviewing stand at the end of the route, views the entire parade from beginning to end.   

This much we know for sure: The future for all the world—and for us as individuals--rests in the hands of our gracious, loving Father. He who was there before the beginning and will be there after the end never slumbers nor sleeps.   

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:6-7  

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  - John 14:27  

Not to worry. Because we believe in Jesus as our Savior we are safe and secure. God loves us—and indeed, He’s got it all covered.    

End

Let's Be True to Who We Are

When you look into a mirror who looks back at you?

Is it you as you really are or is it the person you think you should be?

This may seem a silly question, especially since it's a given that every one of us keeps growing and changing all through our lives--until one considers how many people rate their self-worth on the number of "likes" they get on social media. It's as if one's value as a person depends on what other people think of that individual. 

By this logic, someone I never met--and likely never will--gets to tell me if I'm acceptable or not and whether my opinion is valid.

At the very least, isn't this un-American? 

And if that's how we choose to live, doesn't it mean we hand over control of who we are and what we think to other people? To strangers?

With so many opinions floating around in our heads do we even know who we are?

Years ago--in the midst of my adolescent flailing around to find myself--my mom passed on this familiar quote from Shakespeare. She also briefly noted this truth offers a solid standard to live by: This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Even then I heard the inner click that signaled I needed to hang onto this truth.

Over time I realized my need for this to be true was as much a part of me as the color of my eyes. It explained why I could be troubled about some little cruelty among classmates or about suffering in a far-off country I could barely pronounce. Other kids my age just shrugged and said something like, "Aw, who cares? What does it matter to me?"

(As you might guess, this temperament quality never earned me the title "Miss Popularity.")

When I came to know myself better I realized the people I admired most were those who seemed to share this same need to be authentic.  

When my husband and I met I sensed an inner honesty in him early on. Over a lifetime I found that to be always true. Yes, we disagreed sometimes, as all couples do, but each of us learned to respect the other's right to hold a different, well thought-out opinion. I knew I could trust him to be honest with me and he knew he never had to wonder if I were being truthful with him.

This mutual acceptance helped each of us feel more secure with ourselves and who we were. It also tremendously strengthened our marriage relationship.

United we stood

As parents we tried to anticipate what would be coming next and talk it through so we would be prepared for what came next. Our girls soon learned it was pointless to try to play one parent against the other to wangle permission for something we hadn't discussed.  Our standard reply would be, "Sorry, but your dad (or mom) and I need to talk it over first."

This didn't stop our four lively, ever-changing daughters from trying. Or mounting campaigns complete with informing us that "all the other kids" already had their parents' okay.  

We would listen patiently as they pleaded their case and then often say what they didn't want to hear: "Sorry, Hon, but we can't say Yes. We love you very much, but that wouldn't be for your best and that's what we're here for." 

They still wailed (not wanting to appear too easy) but their pouts didn't last long.  

Did they appreciate at the time that we were trying to be good parents? Not hardly. 

Muddling through life

Isn't that what most of us do? None of us knows the precise path that lies ahead of us, so I'm guessing we do the best we can and try to do what's right.

I'm a Christian and I've learned that life is not about what I know, nor how good I am. How can I be sure? This may sound way too simple, but I trace it back to a simple faith song I learned as a young child. The song begins like this:

   Jesus loves me, This I know, For the Bible tells me so.

These simple truths of faith have been for me like a solid railing that's in place beside a slippery path so all I have to do is grab hold and hang on tight as I walk.

Want something solid to hang onto for yourself?

Here's a trio of truths to start with:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.   John 3:16 

(Note the "whoever." This promise is for everyone. Everywhere.)

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye on you.   Psalm 32:8

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

Once I got it straight in my mind that I am a child of God and He loves me, any uncertainty about figuring out who I was gradually cleared up and life got easier. Although I never got that Miss Popularity crown, it's okay. I know who I am.

From the Heart of a Pastor's Wife "Sit Still"

     “Sit still!” boomed the very familiar baritone voice in my mind as I awoke from a sound sleep.  Since my father’s passing, it is only possible to hear that voice now in my dreams.  With those words came a flood of my earliest childhood memories along with feelings of being safe and secure, taken care of by my mom and dad.  With my dad it seemed all things were possible and I was sure that he hung the moon.

     That command and that voice took me back to two and a half years of age.  My parents had decided I would ride in my dad’s truck as he worked, so that my mother could take a Christmas job.  When Christmas came and my mother’s job had ended I told them I wanted to go with Daddy.  It seemed to work out for all of us, so I was allowed to continue traveling with my father.

     About the time of my birth some dramatic things had happened in our family.  My dad and his partner owned a successful business based in Salem, Oregon, setting power lines throughout the Pacific Northwest, employing about 10 men.  Unfortunately for my dad, the government cancelled their contracts at the same time his partner ran off with the company funds to South America.  It was one of the lowest points of my father’s life, betrayed by his partner and friend, the company he had built gone, great debt amassed and a family to provide for.

     Left with an old Army Surplus Dodge Power Wagon, a strong able body and the ability to sell, my dad found creative ways to support us.  He traveled around the countryside picking up scrap metal and reselling it.  He also would go very early in the morning to pick up boxes or sacks of produce – apples, potatoes, onions – and peddle them to grocery stores and restaurants.  My siblings told me stories of living on potato soup and apple everything one winter.  But I was not poor, I was with my dad.

     My father never knew a stranger and in my early years he introduced me to everyone we met.  During peddling times, we would go into restaurants – diners – and he would order milk for me and a cup of coffee for himself.  By the time I had finished my milk he would have usually sold some of our produce.

     When he had to leave me in the cab of the truck, especially when he would load the scrap metal, he would give me one command that was always obeyed, “Sit Still!”  As I heard and felt the thuds of those “rear ends” (rear axles and batteries) being tossed into the back of the truck, I knew it was for my protection and my provision that I sit still.

     On days when I saw that we were doing well, I would ask my dad, “Is it a hamburger and French fry day?”  Many days were “cheese and apple days,” but some days were “hamburger and French fry days” that doubled as a selling opportunity to the diner where we ate.  And once in a great while it was a “chicken dinner day!”

     As we traveled the countryside we would play games like counting or alphabet games.  As a kind of game, my dad would ask me, “Whose little girl are you?”  He would always answer his own question and the answer was always the same, “You are MY little girl!”

     When I was a teen, my dad taught me to shoot with his .22 rifle.  Though I became a good shot I did not want to kill anything, but I loved to accompany him when he hunted.  Since my eyes were better than his by that time, I could usually spot the game seconds before he could.  He would look for signs of deer and he would once again tell me, “Sit still” and we would wait.  But instead of the command of my early years, this was more of an invitation – to observe and watch with him as the game was provided.

     My dad’s debts weighed heavily upon his mind.  When I was grown, he told me it took him 20 years, but he did pay off his debts and then he smiled.  Over time he had not forgotten his debt, but he no longer focused on it.  Instead he focused on what he could build and figured out a way to build it and along the way he accomplished many things.

     In times of insecurity, financial or otherwise, it seems to me that the first question we should ask ourselves is, “Whose child am I?”  Our Father says we were bought with a price, the very highest price, the blood of His only begotten Son, slain before the foundation of the world – for us.  Through Christ, our Father always answers that question the same, “You are MY child!” 

     Jesus tells us in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7:7-11: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks him for fish, will give him a snake? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him?”  Whatever our problem or need, we would be wise to take our Father-God at His Word and talk to Him - ask, seek, knock.

     When we ask, we do not know if it will be a “cheese and apple day,” a “hamburger and French fry day,” or even a “chicken dinner day,” but we do know our Father has promised to give us good gifts and never evil.  With our Father all things are possible and He DID hang the moon!

     Ask and “Sit still,” my friends. “Sit still.”

Copyright 2012 Mary Denison Williams