“You are a perfect 10!” The doctor exclaimed at City of Hope in Duarte, California, where I flew to be tested to see if I could be a stem cell donor to my older brother, Gary. I was told, “You match your brother ten out of ten genetic markers! You are the best of the best!”
The doctor showed me our single “Gary & Mary chart” so I could see for myself how I was a perfect genetic match to my brother. It was truly Awesome!
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-14).
Evidentally, not all full siblings are genetic matches, but God created my brother and me to match perfectly from conception. This gave Gary the best chance for his body to accept my stem cells to make new bone marrow after they would kill his bone marrow in order to kill the deadly Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) that had returned after one year in remission.
The doctor said my brother only had a few months to live without the transplant. I was Gary’s only living full sibling.
After I passed the other tests they ran on me, especially my heart to make sure I was healthy to be a donor, they scheduled a week in December for the transplant. In December my husband, Douglas, and I drove from our then home in Santa Rosa, to Duarte, California, where I became an outpatient at City of Hope.
At the same time Gary became a patient at the hospital. Each day for a week I went to receive the shots that would force my bone marrow to make additional stem cells. Every day as I went into the hospital for my shots, multiple people thanked me for being my brother’s donor. This both puzzled me and made me uncomfortable.
I finally asked one of the nurses why everyone was thanking me. She told me that not everyone with the ability to be a donor agreed to do it. As an example, she told me of a woman who was a good match for her sister, went through the tests, but then refused to be a donor. When I asked what happened to the woman’s sister, I was told that without the transplant, she died within a few months.
“If God gives you something to do, why wouldn’t you do it?” Stephen King tells his readers in his book, On Writing.
As the shots started working, I had a hard time walking and felt unwell, so except for my daily trips to the hospital, I stayed in our hotel room. The long bones in my legs ached terribly and I couldn’t wait to get rid of all the extra stem cells my body was making. At the same time, they gave my brother chemo to kill his bone marrow. He had the much harder path. The day of the transplant, talking to God helped the claustrophobia I felt during the hours I was hooked up to the blood dialysis machine to harvest my stem cells. When my part was done, we walked over to Gary’s room and they hooked up the bag of my stem cells to my brother. They told me December 17th was Gary’s new birthday and I was now his mother, as I was giving him life. Afterward Gary and I referred to ourselves as “Twins.”
Later we were told that the transplant had worked - Gary’s body had accepted my stem cells as their own. They were making new bone marrow, and my immune system had become his!
Though the transplant was a success, Gary got an infection while he still had a baby immune system, and his one month hospital stay turned into three months. They had to do emergency surgery, and they weren’t sure he was going to make it. I flew down to visit Gary, still at City of Hope. While there, I talked to people in the Chaplain department. I asked them to have a Catholic priest visit Gary. I talked to them until they understood that only a Catholic priest would be acceptable to my brother, as we were raised Catholic.
I thank God for the priest who was sent. Though Gary had not been a practicing Catholic for many years, the priest was not there for judgement, but only reconcilliation. Gary told me later that the man was very accepting, gave him the Last Rites, heard his Confession, gave him Absolution and Holy Communion.
Gary did recover, and for the rest of his life, he and his wife regularly attended Catholic church and received Communion. When next I saw him, he hugged me and thanked me for “saving him twice.”
Each time Gary thanked me, I would reply, “I have to keep you around. You make me laugh!” He and I enjoyed a close relationship for the rest of his life. After my husband, Douglas, passed December 2016, I became closed off to the world, and felt like I was in a desert place, but Gary continued to call me every few weeks. He never let me go. “A brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). Because I helped Gary when he needed me, he was still here to give me the support I needed in tough times.
Gary’s lovely bride of 43 years, Virginia, sent me a message after Gary died, October 2021. “You’re the best! I can’t thank you enough for the most beautiful 14 years you gave us.”
It gives me pleasure to know that I have fulfilled at least some of what God planned for me to do. Not only did it bring me great joy to save my brother’s life, but thankfully, I was able to support my husband in the pastoral ministry that God appointed for him until he finished his race.
Currently, I have a small grief ministry at St. Matthew’s under Pastors Brad and Nathan and Deacon Ron. I write and send letters and Journeying through Grief books to those experiencing the loss of a loved one.
Sometimes I wonder what other plans God has for me - what desires God will put into my heart to serve in the future.
During last year’s Being Challenge at St. Matthew’s, it came to me that I should “take my place,” though I was uncertain what that meant. During this year’s Service Challenge, I realize “my place” is not about position or status, but rather about the unique service for which I was created.
I invite each of you to “take your place” - to make yourselves available for your uniquely appointed service. You just might gain a brother! “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).
Mary Denison Williams
October 2023